This above all:  To thine own self be true, 

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man         Shakespeare – Hamlet

I love the “Dove for Men – Journeys to Comfort” television commercial series, where the professional athlete gets up front and personal. A favorite is Brendan Shanahan, talking about his early years, his start in hockey, his marriage and family life, and the experience hoisting the Stanley Cup. The commercial ends with the Dove tag line – “I’m Brendan Shanahan and I’m comfortable in my own skin”

I like these commercials because I personally know the experience of notbeing comfortable in my own skin, and I know the dramatic difference of arriving at that place. I also know from working with people in a coaching capacity, that so many are struggling with this, and have been all their lives. The human experience can be a very unhappy place when a person is desperately reaching for some idea of success, and trying to get there without first arriving at the place of personal authenticity.

There are many and varied definitions of success, but the bottom line is and will always be – Can I look in the mirror, and value and validate myself for who I am? Do I genuinely like the person looking back at me? Am I being true to myself? In reality, the ultimate gift I have to give to the world, is the gift of myself, and without authenticity, that gift is counterfeit. On the other hand, when I am able to be me … authentic, true to my core, living that authenticity out on a daily basis, there is great power, potentiality, and the possibility of real success.

I would like to make five suggestions for working toward this authenticity. Practicing these will set you on the journey to being comfortable in your own skin, and it won’t matter what soap product you are using.

• Turn off the noise. Everyone has an agenda for you. You are bombarded every day with messages that if you listen to them, they will leave you in an unsettled state of confusion. You must filter out that noise, and replace it with what you know to be true about you, about life, about your business, etc. The voice inside must be stronger than the push and shove of the noise, or you will never be comfortable in your own skin.
• Beware of the “bull”. Everywhere we go, we are subjected to people trying to convince us of how great and accomplished they are. This is the culture of the business environment, the sales conference, networking groups, even Sunday morning church. How often have you come way from listening to the rhetoric, asking yourself, “what is wrong with me?” You gotta know, the swagger and pretense you hear, is a cover-up for the fear of exposure. It simply illustrates most people are not comfortable in their own skin.
• Embrace the questions. There is nothing more important in the journey to authenticity than the self-discovery that comes from engaging lifes real questions. It is at the point of your questions that you will learn to become who you really are. Only when you embrace and engage the questions, can you discover and embrace your true self. Being comfortable in your own skin means you are no longer afraid to ask the probing questions.
• Pick up a pen. I believe in the value of journaling. I believe it to be my most important daily discipline. It is in writing it down, that I am able to work through my questions, clarify my thinking, assess my options, understand my opportunities and discover my personal unqueness. This is why I am constantly encouraging the people I work with, to embrace this daily discipline. Try it, it is a valuable tool in the quest to becomfortable in your own skin. (I’d like to email you a brief article I wrote entitled – “Developing the Rhythm of Journaling” – email hb@integcoaching.com)
• Engage some risk. I will never get comfortable in my own skin, until I get some skin in the game. I have to step out of my box, push through my comfort zone, and risk my vulnerability. There is nothing in life that compares to the gratification and sense of fulfillment that comes from taking a risk and in so doing, knowing you have been true to yourself.

Our world is full of “wanabes” and pretenders, immatators and imposters. On the other hand we know the experience of encountering a truly authentic person. In a business world of product branding and grandiose promises, we really want to do business with someone who is authentic and real. In a world of strained and broken relationships, we want and need that connection with someone who is genuinely
and uniquely themselves. We want someone comfortable in their own skin, and deep down we know that the pre-requiste is to be comfortable in ours.           HByne

“In the game of life, nothing is less important than the score at halftime.” Andy Andrews

How’s your year going?

It doesn’t seem possible but 2011 is just about half over.

How’s your life going?

Most of you reading this will be experiencing, at least from time to time, the stark realization that your life is fast approaching the half-way point.  For many of us, that halfway point is long gone.

The quote at the top of the page is a most important reflection point.  Whether looking at the current year, or the larger perspective of our lives, there is a score, and we are either winning or losing, with respect to the goals and objectives we have set.  However, it is not the current score that matters, in fact nothing is less important right now.

We have all watched a sporting event, and watched as the teams headed for the dressing room at half time.  One team went off with a spring in their step, visions of victory dancing in their heads, while the other, heads down, were the picture of dejection and defeat.  It is not the retreat to the dressing room at half time that completes the story, it is what happens next that matters.

As you think about the clock ticking down on the first half of 2011, how are you feeling about your year?  What are your thought processes as you think about moving into the second half.  If the score at halftime isn’t important, what is?  What is critical, is what you do to adjust for the second half.  Try this …

• Spend some time reflecting on the successes of the first half. What are you most gratified about?  What have been the most significant accomplishments?  What goals have been met, what plans are on track?  It is most important to spend time reflecting on your success points and take time to celebrate the victories.  coming to an understanding of the reasons for those successes.  Often when I am working with people who are going through a tough period, I see a sense of dejection and defeat, because they are overwhelmed with the negative reality of the score.  What has happened?  They have lost sight of their accomplishments.  This first half discipline of reflecting on successes is very important.
• Spend some time establishing clarity on the breakdown points. We must identify and assess what went wrong.   The objective here is discovery, not self-blame.  You want to ask, “What” and “Why” questions … What went wrong?  Why? What could we have done differently? Why did we not adjust when were losing ground? What do we need to change?  What do we need to stop doing? Our breakdown points are not the critical issue, our failure to adjust is.  The inquiring mind at halftime is the key to changing the final outcome.
• Get a plan and think solutions. So often we are problem focused.  It is very common for individuals and teams alike to spend excessive amounts of time and energy discussing a problem, failing to make the shift to solution-thinking.  The team that turns it around in the second half of the game, does so by making the necessary adjustments, developing a fresh plan for the rest of the game.  Think about it … have you begun your thinking that will develolp a  second half plan?
• Get a halftime energy boost. The team that comes off the field dejected and defeated, will return to the second half and sure defeat, unless they experience an energy boost at halftime. One thing is sure, we simply cannot get to where we want to go, on an empty tank.  We need fuel!  We need inspired souls, energized minds, and regenerated bodies, if we are going to experience a different second half.  Do these three things and you will experience a different second half … 1) Schedule some time away from your regular routine to rest and regenerate. (Be careful not to confuse this with a frantic, busy, and exhausting vacation  - we often come back from vacation completely depleted of energy).  2) Develop a reading list of books designed to re-energize and inspire you, establishing a daily reading rhythm.  3)Re-work your schedule to allow for daily and weekly refueling periods.  Get clear on what energizes and what de-engergizes.  4) Identify those people that encourage, inspire and energize you, and get with those people. Do these four things and watch the way your perspective on the rest of the year is transformed.

Remember, it is not the score at halftime that matters.  Some of the most exciting people I have known, have been people who didn’t get it figured out until well past the halftime point in life.  When they did, they were inspiring because their lives became fresh and alive due to the adjustments and changes they made.  Whether we are focusing on the rest of this year, or something far more significant like our life story, don’t worry about the score at this moment, It is the rest of the game that counts, and you can turn the game around.

HByne

The quality I admire most about my entrepreneur clients, is their capacity to see the vision clearly and articulate it with passion. I love it when their face lights up and they become energized and animated in describing what they envision for the future. I enjoy trying to help them clarify what they see, and build strategy into the process. I love it when seeing becomes believing.

In Andy Andrew’s great book, “The Traveller’s Gift”, David (the lead character in the story) meets up with Christopher Columbus on the Santa Maria, in the midst of that historical voyage to North America. It had been 64 days since the Santa Maria had left Spain. There was no land in sight, and the crew were ready to mutiny. Standing high above the ship in the Crow’s nest, David asks, “Do you know where you are going?” (the first critical question for all leaders) Columbus responds throwing his hand forward, pointing to the western sky, “Yes! Yes! I know where I am going! I am going to a new world!” Columbus sees land, and David sees nothing. It is then that Columbus states, “Today, you will not see land off the bow of my ship. You will see land only by looking into my eyes.”

Herein lies one of the great challenges that all leaders will face and must confront. It is the challenge of getting their followers to believe in the vision, and trust their leadership. They must get their people to commit to a journey toward a vision that is not clear to them. Reflecting on this recently, I thought of some critical realities about this leadership experience …
• Seeing the vision is not enough. It may be alive and well in the mind of the leader, but there is a great distance betwen the leader’s mind and the followers grasp. The leader must become skilled at sharing the vision. It will take time, energy, creativity, and repetition, lots of repetition. It is a huge mistake to think you can call a meeting, make a powerpoint presentation, and expect everyone to be clear and committed to the vision.

• Sharing the vision is not enough. The presentation of the vision may have been very effective and totally creative. The team may have left with some initial clarity and energy, but there is a critical next step. The vision must become their own. The Leader must translate the vision in such a way, that each person, each role on the team, can see how the vision fits them and how they fit the vision. This will be an ongoing process, that will involve face to face dialogue.

• Translating the vision is not enough. Once each member of the team has established clarity of the vision, and how they fit, there is a critical next step. Every person, every piece to the puzzle must be both empowered and held accountable. This can be the most exciting and rewarding part of the process. This is both the test and the thrill of leadership. Nothing compares to the experience of seeing the team coming together, taking ownership of the vision, and holding themselves and each other accountable. At this point you no longer have people “doing their job” and “completing obligatory tasks”, you have partners in vision and fellow voyagers to a destination.

In Andrew’s book, Columbus speaks … “Getting started, getting finished – both ends of a journey require a demonstration of passion. Passion is a product of the heart. Passion is what helps you when you have a great dream. Passion breeds conviction and turns mediocrity into excellence. Your passion will motivate others to join you in pursuit of your dream. With passion you will overcome insurmountale obstacles. You will become unstoppable.”

One of the great challenges for all leaders is the experience of feeling alone in the process. The effort invested and energy expended can leave one doubting the vision causing the passion to dissipate. I can provide a resource that will help. The INTEG Leadership Support Program is a coaching resource designed and developed to help leaders follow through with the vision. I would be thrilled to discuss how this could work for you.
H.Byne

One of my human resource offerings is providing my clients with hiring support. The INTEG Pre-hire Process provides an outside perspective, and is a valuable resource for the hiring process.

There are some things about hiring new personnel that present some significant challenges. The challenge is represented by some of the comments I have heard from clients over the years … “It is so hard to find good people” … “I thought I had found the right person, boy was I wrong” … “He may be a good person, but he is definitely not right for the team” … “I wish there was some fool-proof system that was guaranteed to work” … “The whole interview process is a crap shoot … there are too many critical questions you can’t ask”. It is indeed a major challenge to find the right people.

It occurs to me that with the economy moving in a positive direction that you may be in the hiring mode either now or in the near future. I thought I would like to share some of my philosophy on hiring.

1. Everyone has a story, and your job is to get the story. Everyone that sits across from you during an interview brings to that room their unique story. It is in learning their story that you will be able to qualify them. The big mistake I see business owners and manager’s making is they talk too much instead of getting the story. They are so busy telling the person what they want or what the company is all about, that they fail to get the person’s story, wherein lies all the critical information. So get the story.
2. The story doesn’t lie. Most people come to an interview trying to figure out what answers you are looking for, and they will feed you those answers. You have to get the person off that mode and into telling you their story, and if you do, you will learn amazing things. Recently I got the story of a person who when she was a child, her parents were told she would never talk. I got an amazing story of dedication, drive and resiliance. As I asked more and more questions about her story, I knew I would want this person on my team, and that she was a fit for my client. A person’s story provides the truth about the person.
3. When people tell their story, they will often answer the questions you can’t ask. We all know there are some questions that it is not permissable to ask in a pre-hire interview. When you think about those questions, they are all key parts of the person’s story, and the answers will come out as their stories unfold. Central to a person’s story are the things they hold dear, the things that got them to where they are, the things they want for their life in the future, etc. etc. Get the story and you will get the answers.
4. Building a strong team is bringing two stories together. The critical challenge for bringing new people on to a existing team is making sure the stories fit. Going over my notes after an interview, my first priority is to get a sense of whether or not this person is a fit … with the existing team, with the vision and values of the company, with the leadership, etc. A person is either a fit or he is not, and if not, you can never make them a fit. Often, in our search for a person with the right skill set, we neglect to find out if that person is a fit.
Finding the right people will always be a challenge, maybe your most critical challenge. I believe it is an art, not an exact science. It takes time and involves a process that should never be short circuited. I can help. I have developed an interview processes that can be a valuable resource to you as you seek to build your team. Give me a call, I would love to chat with you about it.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         HByne

“Look for people who will aim for the remarkable, who will not settle for the routine.” - David Ogilvy

Later, reflecting on this news story, I thought of how much time, energy we expend, and money we spend, trying to avoid pain, treat pain and get rid of it all together. I thought of how we are bombarded with commercial messages promising that the purchase of a particular product will ease the pain and make us feel better. We just don’t like to experience pain and distress and will do anything to avoid it.

Reflecting further, I thought of how often in my coaching experiences, the initial challenge is to get a person to acknowledge that something is critical and needs to be addressed. We often opt for the illusion that everything is OK, rather than recognize the issue and its implication. Our avoidance of the problem can become a serious condition that de-sensitizes us to the need to change.

People who have the condition known as CIPA rarely make it to their 25th birthday, because their brain will not warn them of the impending danger of what the illness or injury is doing to their bodies. In life and business, we need to acknowledge that something is wrong, or we cannot / will not deal with it. In fact, if you think about it, it is only at the point of struggle and the feeling of discomfort, that we are ever motivated to take action and change.

What I am talking about is not sitting around immobilized by doom and gloom thinking. Nor am I suggesting we dwell and fixate on our problems. I am however suggesting that we must acknowledge our problems and commit to addressing them.

Below are three related thoughts submitted for your reflection.

1)   The problem is never the problem. I love the words of Theodore Rubin, “The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem”. No problem will defeat us, if we have a healthy cognizance of it. The real problem is in not knowing, or not acknowledging what the problem or issue will do to us. The first step then is to stop being afraid of problems, but rather embrace them, for they can be the springboard to something better.

2)  There is no such thing as failure, there is only failing at failure. Thomas Edison said, “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” The struggles, challenges and issues we face both personally and in our business experiences are the very things that will get us to our destination, but only if we acknowledge them and commit to keep going.

3)   Think solutions. I am often exposed to situations in the context of my work, where leaders call a meeting, everyone talks about a particular problem for a couple of hours, and then they go back to their roles, without having addressed any solutions. All this does is create an illusion that we are doing something, when in reality we are not. Developing a culture of solutions thinking is a most critical success foundation.

Often it takes but a minor stimulus to turn issues into an opportunities. The INTEG Team Continuum process has been developed to help business leaders assess the present reality of their team and to support a “solutions-think” strategy. This process may be just the stimulus you have been looking for. Call today for a no obligation consultation to see if this process has value for you.

H Byne

I love to walk this time of year … I love the rustle of the leaves underfoot, and the canopy of colour overhead.  I love the opportunity it avails for thought and reflection. 

On a walk the other day, I found myself reflecting on a question I had been asked earlier that day during a coaching session.  The individual, struggling to maintain his momentum asked, “Where do you get your energy and how do you keep it up, all the time?”  Of course I do not stay energized all the time, no one does, and as I walked  that day, I was reflecting on the cycles and seasons of life, and the ebbs and flows in my own life.  I thought of the fact that the foiliage on the trees had to die, so the trees could burst forth into new life in a few months.  I realized that anything that is alive will experience cycles and seasons, and the depletion of energy is simply part of the cycle.

There are some things we can do that will help us maintain our momentum …

• Know What and Who your energy depleters are.  We all have those things and people in our lives that will suck the energy out of us.  Knowing what and who they are is the beginning to counteracting them.  I like to recommend that people take some time, and make a list of their energy depleters,. You have to know where and how the energy is depleted.  It is very useful to develop a plan to manage and monitor them. You may not be able to get rid of them, but you can manage them.
• Know What and Who your energizers are.   When you feel most energized, identify the source of your energy boost. - pay attention to what you have been doing and who you have been with.  Strategize to keep those things in your life and make room in your calendar for those energizing people.
• Establish a Rest/Regeneration Rhythm to your life.  Because life will always mean an expense of energy, we need to plan for rest and regeneration.  We need a yearly, monthly, weekly, daily rhythm, that affords time  to regroup and refill the tank.  That’s what vacation is suppose to be all about, although if often doesn’t deliver, and those yearly breaks will never be enough to sustain us.   The establishment of a regular rhythm will work wonders.   
• Think Balance.  Understand that us humans are multi-dimensional, complex creatures.  We are physical, intellectual, emotional, relational, spiritual, and it is critical that we keep all parts of our experience aligned if we are going to experience a healthy life balance.  Without it, the reality of day to day living will suck the energy out of us.

Here’s a thought … After you read this take out your calendar and schedule in a walk in the woods.  Then, as you feel and listen to the leaves rustling under foot, and drink in the beauty of the colours all around, make a commitment to create a personal energy/regeneration plan.  I have coaching processes that are designed to help with this very need.  Give me a call, I would love to hear from you.  HB

The evening before, as we sat around our campfire, we were caused to look up in awe at the site of an eagle overhead. The eagle appears to soar effortlessly with those mighty wings spread, the herons wings flap rhythmically, and the loon, although it can fly 110 km per hour, never soars, but must work its wings continually to maintain flight.

The thought that engaged my mind metaphorically that morning was that success for us, is all about developing and using our wings. We were made to soar, to be, to become all that we can be, to do better, to go farther, to climb higher. We are most alive when we step out of the box of our comfort, the trap of our fear, and into the open air of our unique potential, the world of wings.

I love those mornings and evenings sitting by the lake and being recreated by the sights and sounds. I love even more the experience of taking flight, and with this article I offer  my encouragement to you to answer your opportunities to spread your wings and fly.

THE FEAR OF FALLING WILL ALWAYS PRECEED THE THRILL OF SOARING …

It is universal. When I do an audit in the context of personal and leadership coaching, there is a universal and prevailing answer that comes in some form or another – “I am afraid of failing”. Interesting, don’t you think, that we all have this common fear. Fear of failure is the fear of falling, and it is this fear, more than anything else that builds the barrier to our success journey.
When I watch a hawk or eagle soaring high in the sky, I wonder about that first flight. There is great video footage of a young eagles maiden voyage on the ARKive website. (http://www.arkive.org/white-tailed-eagle/haliaeetus-albicilla/video-09g.html) I don’t know what the eagle experiences, but I know what it feels like to take that leap and experience the exhilaration of doing what to that point only existed in my mind. There is nothing like it!

I love the words of Emily Dickinson - “We’d never know how high we are, till we are called to rise; if we are true to plan, our statures touch the sky.”   There is so much more to our experience, but we first have to get past that fear of falling. Our statures can touch the sky!
If you are reading this, and fear is preventing you from making a decision or seizing an opportunity, there are four thoughts/ideas I want to encourage you to reflect on …
          1. There is no soaring without the experience of fear. Fear will always preceed it. It is something to be accepted but not given in to. It is something not unique to you.  It is universal.
          2. You have the capacity to soar. Just like the eagle, you were designed for more, more than the comfort of the nest can ever deliver. Confined by the box that fear creates is an affront to who you really are.
          3. The experience is incredible. There is nothing like facing that fear, stepping out of your comfort zone, and taking flight in the direction of your dreams and opportunities. It is the greatest feeling life has to offer.
         4. There is nothing worse than regret. The greatest of tragedies is to look back on our lives and know we missed our unique calling, because we feared the risk involved. There is no more tragic experience than to look back full of regret.

I love these words that date back to the 13th century …   “This is love – to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.  First to let go of life. Finally to take a step without feet” Jalal ad-Din Rimi (1207 – 1273).   Poet Patrick Overton put it another way … “When you walk to the edge of the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen: There will be something solid for you to stand upon, or, you will be taught to fly”.              HB

A couple of weeks ago Gloria and I celebrated our 40th anniversary at one of our favorite places in the world, our friends cottage on Lake Huron. As I sat on the deck, and watched yet another magnificent Port Albert sunset, I was reflecting on the beauty of the moment, the countless special moments over the years, and how critical it is that we not miss the moment.

I remembered, as I often do (some of you have heard me recount this story) that moment sitting on the deck of my London home, grumbling about the fact that half the children in the neighbourhood were in my back yard chewing up my grass and trampling my flowers. Gloria’s comment has been forever etched in my mind and heart … “One day the kids will be gone and the grass will still be here” WOW, how true!

Later in the weekend, we received a wonderful surprise. Sitting in my comfortable chair on the deck over looking the lake, I looked up to see my grandchildren running down the beach toward the cottage. Our friends had arranged with our kids to have our family together to celebrate with us. It was a complete surprise and will be a cherished moment in our memories.

Just as no two sunsets are alike, each moment in our lives is unique, never to return again. How critical it is that we don’t miss them. I have to remind myself of this regularly, because my mind gets so busy and the clutter in my head can distract me, often at the expense of the wonder of the present moment.

As summer begins, and we have opportunity for many special moments, I invite you to join me in a commitment to seize and cherish the wonder of every one of them.

Have a great summer! Carpe’ Diem!! HByne

I spend a great deal of time planning and strategyzing for myself, and helping others build their success plans. I believe this to be the absolute most critical key to acheiving success. It is however very important to realize that there is only one point in time that we ever really have control over, and that is the present moment. To fail to plan will result in missing life’s most important moments, and to fail to followthrough with your plan will get you the same results.

Let’s take a moment here … I want to encourage you to STOP and reflect in this moment. Are there memories of past moments lost? Are there present opportunities you are in danger of missing? Is there someone you need to connect with or something you need to do that you have been putting off? Is the noise and clutter of your mind causing you to not be present in important moments?

We all know how the tyranny of the urgent squeeses out what is most important. Senneca, the Roman philospher said, “we should count each day as a seperate life.” John Izzo, in his fabulous book, “The five secrets you must discover before you die” wrote, “Each day is not a step on the way to a destination, it is the destination. We begin to live the moment when we recognize the great gift of being alive one more day and choose not to squander that day, not to ruin it by living in the past or the future”.

There are four things that I am working on in my own experience that I present here, hoping that it will beneficial in helping you seize your moments …

INTENTION … We will do what we intend to do. The stronger the intentionality the greater chance we will follow through. When the power of intention intersects with the wonder of the moment, we will seize it every time. Never squander an intent. Build intentionality into each moment.
REFLECTION … In the busyness and clutter of our day-to-day experience, it is critical that we schedule in some time for personal reflection. We must learn to shut off the outside noise, quiet the chatter, clean up the internal clutter, and listen to our hearts and souls. Blaise Pascal wrote, “All men’s miseries derive from not being ale to sit quietly in a room alone.” Make this a daily discipline and you will miss fewer of life’s important moments.
VALUATION … Nothing is more important personally, in our relationships, in our business, than a clear and accurate valuation. When we have complete clarity on what is most important, we will seize the opportunities to honour that valuation.
APPRECIATION… Be thankful. One of the greatest exercises we could ever do is to keep a gratitude log – that is write down the things we are most grateful for. It has been said, “only the stomach that rarely feels hungry scorns common things”. Being thankful clarifies things wonderfully and will keep us focused on and in sync to respond to the important moments.

I read recently, “rather than rushing through such moments, I began to practice breathing them in”. I like that. I know I have a lot of work to do to get better at not missing the moments, and I also know there are ways to get better at it. The above four disciplines will help. Join me, we’ll get better together.                   HByne

Watching baseball is a different experience to watching hockey. Although I would rather watch a hockey game any day, I thoroughly enjoy watching Adam’s ball games (sitting in a lawn chair on a warm summer evening beats the cold arena hands down). The slower pace however allows for a more cerebral and strategic interaction between the coach and the player.  While watching  the game, my mind often wanders as I reflect on coaching experience I may have had earlier that day.  I wonder if I had been effective in helping my client, think through the options and proceed to the next base.

I want my grandson to develop the skills, pay attention to the coaches, learn the game, but above all else, I want him to experience personal joy and fullfillment in the process.  We all know how debilitating it can be when joy and fulfillment has vacated the experience.

With this ezine greeting, goes out my sincere wish that you will find the personal fulfillment and experience genuine joy as you engage the challenge of the game.        H Byne